Mike's Fight: Thanksgiving, treatments and more

First photo of Mike & I back in 20009

Mike & I had a great Thanksgiving. We went to my parents house and had Mike's family over too. It was nice to have everyone together. We played endless games of pool, joked around, and ate until we were sick. Great memories!

Mike has been feeling pretty good since his last treatment. Tomorrow marks treatment number 6. The doctor will be introducing a new drug into his treatment plan. Two weeks ago he referred to this part of the drug as a "game changer". We can only hope! As always (tonight) being the night before treatment Mike is anxious. He is also nervous about the new drug making him very sick. There is no way of knowing we just have to wait and see. Sometimes I think he psychologically makes himself feel worse the night before treatments. I completely understand it's not easy. He expects the worse every time. I wish he could be more positive because I know being positive is vital to him fighting his battle. Even though we are both living through the same nightmare, we are both experiencing two different experiences. Both of our minds are constantly racing with bad thoughts. They are so hard to shake. As always I wish I could take it all away...

He doesn't believe me but he is a very stubborn fighter. He is doing so well. He's hard on himself at times but who wouldn't be? I just remind him WE keep fighting. One of the hardest things of this battle is seeing the fear in his face. Certain looks come across his face every so often that are heart breaking. His stomach pain is hard to watch too. I hate every bit of this. Some days are so hard to get through. Mentally, physically, and emotionally... our lives feel like they are completely out of control. People often ask or say "how do you get through this?" or "I couldn't do what you do". If you were put in this situation how could you runaway or turn a blind eye. You do it because you have to. We fight because we refuse to have this disease define who we are as a couple and how our lives will turn out.

I've had a lot of shit I've faced the past few years. A lot of shit that many people may never face in a life time... things I just can't talk about. I don't see myself as strong because of it. I see myself as a person who has faced a lot and keeps pushing through. Throwing my hands up in the air is simply not an option for me. It's a crappy way to become strong person... I didn't choose this lifestyle it choose me.

My sleeping habits have still been horrible. My head has been miserable. My doctor is still doing tests on me. May think I have a gluten allergy... who knows...

Mike & I have used some of our cancelled honeymoon money on ourselves. I got myself a Nikon D3200 camera. I have NO idea how to use it but am looking forward to having a new hobby. My friend Amanda who is a photographer has showed me some of the ropes but I still have a lot to learn! We also got a new bedroom set and a couch it's been nice to spoil ourselves a little bit!

Mike & I had a great weekend with his daughter Ava. We got into the Christmas spirit! Ava's elf on the shelf, Twinkle came this weekend. She has been obsessed with it. We got our Christmas tree, we decorated the house and I put lights up outside! We're looking forward to Christmas. However Mike & I both agree that that the holidays just don't feel the same as they used to anymore. Time to get ready for tomorrow's treatment day...

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