It's Been A While

It's been a while since my last post. Mike & I have been busy like everyone else trying to prepare for the holidays and making things as normal as possible. One of the hardest things about this unwanted journey is trying to live life with cancer on a daily basis. The rest of the world continues to go on while we are still in the shadows trying to make sense of everything. It always feels like we're a day behind and trying to catch up. Stupid things keep happening that push us down mentally. Things like car troubles, paperwork not being filed correctly, medical bills and some other very unfortunate but unmentionable things. We are trying to do the best we can to get all of our affairs in order to make things easier on us. All these stresses make it mighty difficult to get through the day sometime. We know it's normal and everyone has these issues it just seems like we can't catch a break. We just keep pushing through the best we can.

On December 5th we had an amazing experience with a non-profit organization based out of California called Life Chronicles. 

The mission of LifeChronicles is to provide comfort to people during defining times in their lives by providing video recordings about their life experiences as well as their messages of love and wisdom for future generations.

The founder Kate Carter flew out to meet with us. She also had a local friend (former NBC worker) that wanted to film her filming us to raise awareness about her non-profit. They hope to submit a film to the New York Times to have it published. We will see... She filmed Mike and I alone and with our families. She asked us some pretty tough questions on camera that you would never imagine to ever be asked on the spot. The experience meant a lot to me. Mike understood that and I am thankful that he allowed for these strangers (who became friends) to come into our home. We laughed, we cried, we reminisced about some good times and bad. I look forward to seeing the footage some day when we are ready. I would highly recommend this experience to anyone who is facing a tough disease or to someone who is elderly. In fact I already did recommend it to some new friends of ours that are battling cancer and they did it too. It is a great way to capture moments with those you love during a difficult time. Our hopes are that Mike, myself and our families will be able to watch this video a long time from now all together. If Mike is not with us in the future at least I will have these precious memories... I am happy we got this opportunity. If you are ever looking to donate to a worthy cause please consider Life Chronicles. They have given us something we could never do on our own during a challenging time. They work hard to give this amazing gift to people in difficult situations. Like any non profit they live off of donations. I will defiantly forever pay it forward to them and donate to them each year. Thank you Kate Carter and the Life Chronicles team! You truly make a difference with your hard work and precious gift.

Mike had treatment number 7 today. He was very anxious going into it. We found out that we were not going to have our regular oncology nurse today and it made him very nervous. His anxiety kicked in while we were in the waiting room. His blood draws were scheduled at 12:15pm today we didn't see his oncology doctor until 1:30pm and we got into his infusion room at 2:45pm. Treatment started at 3:00pm and ended at 6:30pm. It was our normal 9 hour day. His usual nurse, Elena was away on vacation. Elena always does everything she can to make Mike feel comfortable. In fact she makes all of us feel at ease. All the nurses and doctors we have had experiences with at Dana Farber deserved a huge THANK YOU for the hard work they do. 

Mike does not handle treatment days well. He doesn't like being in the hospital... no one does. Today, he struggled with treatment more than any other session. Right when he gets hooked up for treatment he almost immediately feels sick. He gets extremely nauseous, his skin gets very pale, he twitches and shakes, gets the chills and then sweats. Today he was dry heaving a lot and his stomach kept turning. They pumped extra anti nausea meds into him every hour or so. They seemed to help. It's so upsetting to see him like this. I stay strong for him during treatment but by the time I got home tonight my emotions were all over the place. I took a shower and completely broke down. I stood there while the scolding water burned my skin but yet I felt completely numb. I hate to cry in front of him. I want him to keep his head as clear and positive as he can. I don't like to bring him down but sometimes I have no control over it... He has a lot of negative thoughts he has been struggling with... I mean who wouldn't. I wish he would talk to therapist. I don't mind being his outlet for his fears, worries, and what ever else he needs. However I think at times he needs another outlet so he doesn't have to worry about being a burden on me. For those of you who know Mike he is not a talker. He doesn't talk about his emotions he doesn't turn to others when he's upset. He's private and keeps to himself when it comes to others. I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do but I can provide him the tools so they are there if or when he needs them. 

We bought a juicer and have been experimenting with it. I've read that juicing can be very beneficial for him. Wheat grass in particularity has a lot of health benefits for him. He doesn't mind drinking the not so pleasant concoctions I make him. Poor guy... he's a trooper. Our friend Kc is helping us get the organic fruits and vegetables to juice. It's hard for us to get to the store on a regular basis. Juicing requires a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables. We are thankful that Kc can help us out with that. Thanks Kc!

Wheat grass I juiced for Mike

Drinking his juice :)

I've been pushing myself to work out a little bit everyday. It's sad I have to push myself so hard some days but I feel better after I do it. When Ava is with us she likes to work out with me too. Here she is doing step aerobics while I am on the treadmill. She's adorable... I love that kid.

Ava & I exercising

As for my health I saw a new doctor for my symptoms. I went to an Ear, Nose, & Throat doctor. She is looking into my dizziness to see if this is something going on in my ears. Feels like just another direction. I have to have a test done at the end of January. We will see...

Recently Mike & I have been spending time with friends and family. This means a lot to us. We are so blessed and we really enjoy our time with them all. My mom and I went to a glass nite with my godmother a few weeks ago. We painted wine glasses. 

Paint Nite

Last week Ava had a Christmas Pageant at her school. My family and Mike's family all went.

Our families misbehaving! ; )

Ava at her Christmas Pageant

Ava's class singing

This past weekend Mike, Ava, myself and my parents went to the Stone Zoo to see the lights and animals. After that we stopped at Dunks and enjoyed some hot chocolate! It was a good time. My brother Charlie and his wife Meaghan, and Kc came over to watch the Pats game with us on Sunday. We ate tons of food and had some great laughs. Mike's mom Judy also came over and cooked us dinner. His brother Doug spent the night with us last night. Mike went to bed and Doug and I stayed up playing xbox, snacking, and watching Spice World (sorry Doug). Talk about a blast from the past. Good times! The other day all I wanted was a chocolate covered edible arrangement. I was having a rough day and posted it on facebook. Then my godmother Susie came to my rescue and surprised me with white chocolate covered pineapple! It was delicious... thank you Susie you have been great to us! Another friend of ours mother has been bringing us food as well. Thanks for thinking of us Laurie!  

Family Photo with Santa

Mike & I at the Stone Zoo

My Love

Ava & I having some hot chocolate

I want to thank the friends and strangers that still continue to donate to Mike's Fight. We are forever grateful for everyone's kindness and generosity. I wish I could personally thank everyone!

I'm off to snuggle with my husband now. Goodnight!

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