Monday, November 3, 2014

A Day of Fun then Back to Reality



Sunday November 2nd Mike was able to attend his first Patriots game of the year. = ] Mike has had season tickets for the past 12+ years. Depending on the years schedule we usually go to 4-5 games a year. Opening day this year we were at Dana Farber getting his pump taken off.  After missing the Patriots home opener, I learned quickly how to take his pump off at home. 

Mike and I had a great time at the game even with the cold and snow! It was a long day and I wasn't sure if either of us would make the whole day. We did make it and I am glad. It's memories and days like yesterday that we live for. It was nice to see Mike smiling and happy.


Drive into treatment
Mike and I dread every other Monday... which are treatment days. We had such an awesome time the day before. The nights before treatment feel like the day before school starts again after a long and fun summer. It's a snap back to reality. We both woke up today feeling annoyed and frustrated that he had to go for treatment. It's so exhausting and emotionally straining. We didn't want to go but we knew we had to. I used to love driving into the city and seeing the Boston skyline... now I hate it. It reminds me of cancer no matter which way I look at it.

Treatment went okay today. Mike rested most of the time. One of the side effects of chemo is cramping and numbness in the hands and fingers. He also gets neuropathy which is the tingling, numbness, and extreme cold sensitivity in his hands and sometimes feet. This drives him crazy. It leaves him unable to use his hands at time which is very frustrating for him. The doctor said it may get worse with each treatment and we will have scale back on some of his chemo drugs at some point. Another side effect during treatment is his eyes start to twitch uncontrollably for long periods of time. Today he was very nauseous as always. The nurse gave him medicine twice for the nausea, which helped. I tell him everyday how strong he is.


Mike getting his treatment
Mike has always been a physically and emotionally strong guy. He has and is always there for me. However it hasn't been easy since he was diagnosed. His body gets so weak at times and emotionally he is drained as well. We take turns breaking down and letting go of our fears and worries to one another. The last two times after we have gotten home from his treatment I've completely lost it. It's a long day... Cancer has taken a lot away from us and will continue to do so however it will never take our love away from one another. He tells me everyday that he couldn't do it without me... the truth is I don't know what I will do without him... I hate to think about it... makes me sick to my stomach everyday. The reality of this disease can't be pushed to the side and forgotten about. I will do everything in my power to make sure he has the best fight of his life. We just want our lives back... we want to feel normal instead of helpless. I've been seeing a therapist who I have a great relationship with. She has been working with me to keep me focused on being in the moment and enjoying Mike & I's special moments together. I swear this is what got me through my wedding with out being an emotional mess. I love my husband!
 

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