Highs and lows

Today was a rough day for Mike. I had a therapist appointment this morning. When I left the house he was still in bed. After my appointment I did some much needed retail therapy. Then I brought us home bagels and we had breakfast in bed (even though it was late afternoon by now)! Mike thought it was silly but he didn't complain once I started feeding him! It was a nice memory. While Mike dosed off in and out of sleep I decided to do a massive closet clean out so I could be around him while he rested. I had tons of old clothes I was pulling out in putting in bags. They all ended up in the basement where Mike already told me to clean it up... Haha. Closet cleaning then turned into cleaning Ava's room and dusting our bedroom. Mike woke up and I brought him a protein shake. Then I tried getting him out of bed. It was now 5pm and he had not left the bedroom since 10pm the night before. He said he was feeling crummy. Again, his head felt off and he was very exhausted all day/night. 

I felt good about cleaning out the closet, cleaning the house, making phone calls, putting together wedding thank you cards and going through some pancreatic cancer packets and paper work that I never got around to do. Which I am now regretting! There was a lot of useful information from Dana Farber and The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. Even though I felt very productive today I still was feeling down. My own health has stilll been suffering. My head felt off, my face was flushed red and my vision was even more blurry than usual. The new doctor I have been working with finally tested me positive for a type of viral infection that may have been contributing to my symptoms over the past 7 months. I have an appointment tomorrow to talk about treatment and further testing. I ended up having a break down tonight but Mike was there to pick me up. I just have been feeling less than human lately. I easily get restless and my mind wanders. I'm working on it. Even though Mike felt miserable today he was still there for me. We joked and said who's going to take care of both of us! 

Our social worker has put us in touch with a non-profit organization in California called Life Chronicles http://lifechronicles.org 

The mission of LifeChronicles is to provide comfort to people during defining times in their lives by providing video recordings about their life experiences as well as their messages of love and wisdom for future generations.

Mike and I are both looking forward to the experience. It will be emotional and hard at times but I think it will be well worth it.

Mike & I also met with the nutritionist yesterday. We both have been "failing" at getting Mike on a better diet. His nutritionist gave us some hand outs that really broke down some healthier and easier options for Mike to eat. After seeing it we both felt so silly because a lot of it is common sense... Duh! For us though we have had so much going on that it's hard for us to focus on something like that. They showed how important it is for him to eat protein after treatment to help restore his damaged healthy cells. She also talked about fruits and vegtables that help fight off and block Cancer cells. It made me feel better knowing that he wanted to  work on it together. We will try and go to the grocery store tomorrow to get some new foods!

On a side note I have meet some amazing supportive people that are going  through the same/similar situations. One is Terri Moore of Hampstead, NH her husband Matt was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. They have two beautiful young children. I often read her blog and find that it hits so close to home with similar situations we are going through. Here is her blog you can follow her too!

http://terrimoorefitness.blogspot.com

I have also been fortunate to meet Steve and Sheri Valiquet of Sutton, NH. Steve has been battling stage 4 pancreatic cancer and has been doing great!

A caregiver from Georgia named Kit has been great too! He helps care for his wife who is currently battling pancreatic cancer. We email often exchanging stories and support.

I recently reached out to another women named Christina from Alaska. Who earlier this month lost her husband, Jeff to his battle with Pancreatic Cancer. I admire her strength and I don't really even know her!

For me, it is so healing to write this blog and talk with others who are going through this. I've started a bond with a whole new type of family... We have all been pulled together to share support, advice, tips, information, resources, and more. It's often hard being the youngest caregiver I know. Everytime we go to Dana Farber I am the youngest in the room. I went from being a college student a few years ago to starting my career, meeting the man of my dreams to planning a wedding, finding out 22 days before the wedding that my husband had cancer, resigning from my job and caring for him. At times it's really hard I won't lie. I have so much going on wih my own health but I know Mike needs me. I often think I'm only 25... I can't believe this is how my life is now. Of course if I could I would take away Mike's Cancer but I can't. I am by his side every step of the way and I will do anything for him. I love him! 

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