Updates

Things have been going good... Mike has been feeling well and has been responding to treatment. His platelets and blood counts have been stable which is always good. We have been very busy. Sometimes this is a good thing but other times it makes it feel like time is going by too fast. One thing that is a constant battle is the depression that Mike and I both have. It comes and it goes. Sometimes  you don't want to get out of bed and other times it stops you in your tracks and weighs you down. Depression is expected with a cancer diagnosis so we do what can to cope with it.

This Saturday we will be participating in the 2015 New England Pancreatic Cancer Research Walk in Boston with the Lustgarten Foundation. Our team reached and surpassed our team goal of $2,500. We have collectively raised $2,695! Click Here to see our team page. The walk itself has raised $103,017 and is rapidly growing. We are proud to say we are a part of it and are looking forward to the event. Thank you so much to everyone who has sponsored our team. We were not sure what to expect when we signed up. We are constantly overwhelmed with all the kind people that care about us and donate to our causes. We truly have the best army of supporters behind us.


October 3rd we will be having the 2nd Annual Michael Howell Softball Tournament. Again, we are pleased to say that we have reached our maximum amount of teams, we have many great raffle items that have been donated as well as donated goods to sell. We hope that people will come out to see us even if they are not competing in the softball tournament! We have tons of great raffle prizes. We will be selling food, bracelets, t-shirts, 50/50 raffle tickets and more!




Recently my friend Pam and I created a facebook pancreatic cancer group. The group is called Young Pancreatic Cancer Patients and Caregivers. In only a few short days we are up to 81 members! This group was created for young pancreatic cancer patients and/or their caregivers that are between the ages of 20 and 40. This group was also created to be a support group for young people that have been affected by this disease.

Pam & I were brought together because of this nasty disease that our husbands shared. We live over 600 miles apart but have been able to meet and spend time together many times. We have been each others biggest support system. We hope that through this group we will be able to give/provide guidance, support, advice, and share success stories to other young pancreatic cancer patients and their caregivers.

The median age of PC is 71...

As Pam & I have found out there are not many resources or support groups for young pancreatic cancer patients and caregivers.

We put an age on the group in hopes that young people 20-40 yrs old battling this disease as well as their caregivers could find a support group that best fits them. However, anyone at any age are welcome to join!

Tonight we had therapy with Ava. It went well we worked on a giant dream catcher to help catch her bad thoughts in the middle of the night. She struggles to stay asleep some nights so her therapist recommended we make the dream catcher to help her feel more comfortable. After therapy we went out to eat for our usual family dinner night.

Ava & her dreamcatcher we all made

A few weekends ago we participated in the Marino Donnelly Foundation Cornhole Tournament. We had a great time. We were able to meet other Pancreatic Cancer survivors and talk to other caregivers. Mike had treatment the day before but he still did great. I was proud of him for getting out of the house and participating. The final two teams came down to Mike & I vs my brother. Charlie and his friend Chris. My brother and Chris won! Overall we had a great time and was grateful for our families coming out to support us. Here are some photos from the event.

Jackie, Charlie (my brother), Chris, & Joe

Me playing against another PC survivor

Chris & Mike playing

Cornhole Participants

Mike & I <3

Mike's Fight Team

Pancreatic Cancer Survivors

Donate to Mike's Fight... all donations go directly to Mike & I. Click Here

Each Bravelet that is purchased through this site donates $10 to Mike's Fight.
To purchase a Bravelet Click Here

Setting the record straight...

I started this blog a year ago for a few reasons.

"The first reason was to share with close family and friends what Mike is going through with his disease, what we are going through as a couple, and what I am going through as a spouse and caregiver. I also started this blog to create awareness and educate others about this awful disease."

Pancreatic Cancer is a disease that not many people know much about. I hope I have been able to answer questions people have had and educate others who don't know about the disease.

I also hope that I can one day pay it forward and help others who are going through this disease. Mike and I have been so blessed with all the support and love we have received from family, friends, neighbors and complete strangers. It truly is amazing.

I have been very open with my family's story. I have shared very personal moments and information. I know not everyone can or would be willing to do what I have done. It takes courage and strength. I have used this blog as an outlet for me. I express myself best when I am able to write. I know that I have opened up my family's story to the world. People have commented or sent me messages of positive stories, prayers, kinds words, etc. Due to the nature of this blog never did I expect to receive negative comments on what I have been posting about. Like I said it has been a year since I started this and I only just have received my first negative comment. With all the negativity in the world I'd say I've done pretty well. The online community allows people to be cowards and hide behind their nasty comments. It's everywhere people writing nasty, cruel, and mean remarks towards others. Why? What's the point? I just don't get it. It goes back to the golden rule that our mothers and fathers taught us... if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

After I posted my YouTube video last week I received a comment in the comments section. It was by a  person who goes by the name "J Fren". They tried to kindly bash myself and my families battle and with cancer. They accused us of "living well" and using donations to us to buy "extravagant items". At first I was hurt and pissed off. I didn't know why someone would attack me and my family especially when we are going through such a difficult time. They continued to ask me to defend myself and explain where the money goes and how we were able to go on vacations. I decided not to feed into this ignorant person. Quite frankly I don't give a fuck what negative people think about me or my family. I know I am a good person. I know I have hard to make VERY difficult decisions that no 26 year old should have to make. Unless you have been in my shoes you DON'T know what it's like. Having a husband diagnosed with a terminal illness is not the same as a parent, grandparent, child, friend, etc. that you helped "care" for.  A spouse is someone who you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Someone you chose to build a family with. Until you have directly cared for a terminally ill spouse then I don't care to give you the time of day and entertain your negative comments. Yes, we have been very fortunate to receive such kind donations... because we are good people that have been dealt a shitty hand in the game of life. Money doesn't change my husbands diagnosis. It doesn't buy our old life back... But it does give us the ability to pay for BOTH our medical bills, home bills, therapy, groceries, gas to and from treatments, medications, funeral arrangements, vacations to make memories with our daughter and family. People don't think about all the extra expenses that come along with being diagnosed with cancer besides just the medical bills. People often tell us take our donation and go enjoy yourselves for the day. Make a memory... treasure the time you have with one another. Go out to dinner, go on a date, bring your daughter on a trip. We have had vacations, spa packages, gift cards and more donated to us. Do you know the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion that a patient and caregiver endures? Are we suppose to sit at home, not be able to work, and be depressed for the rest of our lives? NO it was very hard especially for Mike to except donations from others. We didn't want to feel like a charity case. After a year long of financial struggles along with the pain, tears, and burden we are willing to say we accept help. I made a youcaring donation page for us because people were begging to help and donate to us. If you don't like it that's fine you don't need to and we don't want you to. But to go as low as accusing a family that you know NOTHING about of taking advantage of a system is WRONG.  People donate these things to us because they genuinely care about us and want to help. Anyone who knows me knows that I am always there for others. I would give the shirt off my back if someone needed it... Right now I am that friend that needs the shirt off someone else's back...

To sum it all up "J Fren" I don't care what you think. I didn't force you to read my blog... I didn't force you to watch my youtube video... and I a sure as hell didn't force you to make a "fake" gmail account for a day just so you were able to comment on my youtube video. Technology is nice these days you can find out a lot about someone with little information. "J Fren" you know NOTHING about me or my family and Karma is a bitch. 

I apologize to those who do read my blog and do care about my family. I wanted to set the record straight and get this one off my chest. I refuse to let people accuse me and walk all over me. I have been through more this last year than most people do their entire lives. I may have never believed it 12 months ago but I am strong... I continue to get stronger every day... I will fight for my family if you get in the way. At the end of the day I know who I am deep down inside and that is all that matters. We are Howell Strong with an army behind us!

Donate to Mike's Fight... all donations go directly to Mike & I. Click Here

Each Bravelet that is purchased through this site donates $10 to Mike's Fight.
To purchase a Bravelet Click Here

Scan Results

Mike hasn't been feeling well the past few days. He has been very nauseous, dehydrated, and having pain. Things got worse on Monday morning. We had planned to spend the day together doing something we enjoyed. We had not planned what we were doing yet but I didn't care as long as I was able to spend a good day with him. Monday morning Mike woke up throwing up. He was shaking and sweating. He laid down on the couch expecting to take a short nap in hopes he would feel better so that we could do something later in the day. As noon time rolled around I quickly realized that we would not be going anywhere today unless it was the hospital. Mike slept the whole day on Monday. I tried to get him to drink fluids and eat something but he refused. He just could not stomach it. He became more and more dehydrated through the night and his pain was unbearable. Tuesday morning I called his doctor who was not on call so I had to speak to a doctor we haven't dealt with before. Of course we always want to deal with his oncologist but it doesn't always work that way. The doctor wanted him to come in to be checked out. She said they wanted to see what his labs show and wanted to give him hydration. I was in tears and all torn up because we had Ava that day. We needed someone to get her off the bus and bring her to therapy. We didn't want to cancel the session because Ava had been looking forward to therapy. She enjoys going which is great. It was hard for me to make a decision because I have never missed one of Mike's appointments, procedures, treatments, emergency visits, or anything. I made a promise to my self to be by his side every day. Mike insisted he would be fine and that he wanted me with Ava. So after some more tears I agreed and Mike's dad brought him in to Dana Farber. Being the crazy wife I am I wrote a note for the doctor with the last 4 days his symptoms, how we treated it, when things started, etc. He laughed at me. But I know how Mike is at visits he doesn't answer questions very well and forgets things that come up.

When I picked Ava up from school she was already excited to go to therapy and dinner. After each session she gets to pick where we all go to dinner. She then asked wait where's Daddy? I told her that he had not been feeling well so Papa brought him to get fluids and checked out. She goes that Daddy doesn't listen he needs to drink more! It's cute when she knows what's best for him and voices her opinion. We went home did her homework and got ready for therapy. She really enjoyed herself at the session. After we finished that we went to dinner at Uno's. We then snuck in some shopping before we went home to wait for dad to get back.

Therapy for Ava has been going really well. It is so important to Mike, Ava, and myself to be able to have family therapy. No one else knows what we are going through at home. To be able to talk about it as a family in a safe place is so important. With everything that Ava has been going though she is really adaptable. Mike and I are so proud of her. She is a beautiful child inside and out. She has a heart of gold and is incredibly kind and sweet. When I am having a bad day she is there to cheer me up with a rub on the back or a big ol' hug. She tells me how thankful she is to have me as a momma. Ava and I have always been close but since Mike's diagnosis we have become even more inseparable. When she is with us we are always up to something... playing outside, doing arts and crafts, reading books, doing our favorite thing shopping ; ). We go for walks and talk and share secrets! She has really grown up in the past year. She feels comfortable coming to me to talk about anything which is great. I am so happy that we have such an amazing relationship. When she goes back to her mom's I get bummed out. She is a good distraction for me when I am having a bad day. She lifts Mike's spirits as well.

When Mike got home he still didn't look good. I tried to get answers out of him as to what the doctor had said. I didn't get very far. He didn't remember a lot and said the on call doctor wasn't helpful. This is one of the reasons that I like to make sure I am at visits. Each night Ava has to ready 15 minutes for school. I told her to grab some books and read to daddy while he was laying on the couch. She was excited to do so and I think it was also calming for Mike to be able to listen to his daughter's voice. It was 8pm and time for Ava to go to bed. Mike was apologizing to Ava for not being able to spend more time with her that night. She kept reassuring him that it was okay.

We put Ava to bed and then I put Mike to bed. I then went downstairs to try and relax. I don't sleep much these days. Even with medication I just have a very hard time falling asleep. I've also been having a hard time with it being 1 year since Mike was diagnosed. It has been a really difficult and long year. We have had many ups and downs. Sometimes the downs are so bad that I don't know if he will pull out of it. It's so scary. I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. We all are. However we can't give up we have to keep fighting. I am so thankful that he is still here with us but it is so hard to watch my husband struggle every day. He's my rock and I don't want to ever imagine being with out him. I look around at all the young women who have lost their husband's to this disease and are now widows. I don't want that to be me. Me being a widow at 26... I just refuse to let it those thoughts get the best of me. It's not fair...  Mike has so much to live for. We have so much to still share together. Being married for only 1 year just isn't enough time. My natural instinct has always been to care for others. My whole life evolves around caring for him, Ava, our puppy and home. Without Mike I would be so lost and empty. It horrifies me to think about it but how can you not...

My puppy Sadie

Right after Mike Proposed to me

Today he was asking to just have a few good days to help pull him out of his depression of always feeling so miserable. Just a couple of good days to lift his spirits. It's hard to hear him talk this way. He's so young he shouldn't have to be dealing with this.

I had been working on and finished a video that gives a glimpse into our families battle with cancer. Tomorrow will be one year since he was diagnosed I wanted to wait and post the video then but after all the hard work I put into it I couldn't wait so I posted it early. You can see the video HERE

Back to Mike... around 1am Tuesday night I went upstairs to check on Mike and he was in rough shape. He was throwing up non stop. He was shaking and sweating. I tried giving him some pain medication and nausea meds but he just could not hold anything down. He continued to throw up for 20 minutes. At one point we thought he was vomiting blood because it was red. We then realized that he had red popsicles and that it was not blood. I was so scared I was shaking and crying. I didn't know what to do. He looked so sick. I was about to call his doctor when he finally stopped throwing up. He was able to keep some medicine down and he fell asleep shortly after. I stayed up until about 4am and kept an eye on him. Many nights I watch him sleep and stare at his chest to make sure he is still breathing...  7am rolled around quickly and I had to get up to bring Ava to school. When I got home I tried to clean up our house a bit. He woke up around 10am and was feeling better. I gave him some toast. After 3 days of not eating and losing 6 pounds he was finally able to start eating slowly. We were unable to work the whole week. Monday-Wednesday he was sick. Thursday we went back to Dana Farber for him to get a CT scan to see how things were going. After that we went straight to the Patriots home opener. Despite the rain we still had a good time! We got home around 1am and we're back up early to get back to the hospital for treatment today.

Patriots Game

His oncologist doesn't see patients on Friday's but he scheduled Mike to come in for treatment today so that we could go to the Pats game. That says a lot since his doctor is a Jets fan. My anxiety was through the roof. I couldn't wait any longer to hear his results. He came in and right off the bat made a Pats joke and then said oh your scan looks good. I didn't know I could even exhale as loudly as I did. It was such a sigh of relief. He told us that his tumors had gone done slightly and all his labs looked good. His platelets were back at a safe level. There is a chance next week they may drop again and we will have to skip treatment. He did say his surrounding organs such as his spleen, liver, lungs, and bowel show signs of some distress due to the chemo he has been on. Overall he was happy with the results and so were we. We will take the good news any day! There was a spot on his CT scan that showed some inflammation near his small bowel. He said it could be cancer growing or it could be irritation from him being sick with a GI bug. There was no way of knowing exactly. I have been having issues with my stomach for 2 weeks now so it is possible we had a bug. Hopefully that is all it is and not new cancer.

Updates:
1. We sold our photo booth business : )
2. We now have 10 teams signed up for our 2nd Annual Michael Howell Softball Tournament
We are still accepting more teams!
3. Tomorrow we will be participating in the First Annual Cornhole Tournament  to support pancreatic cancer
4.  We are still selling Mike's Fight T-shirts email me at mike.stephanie.howell@gmail.com if you are interested.
5. 16 days until we do our first Pancreatic Cancer Research walk! We are so close to hitting our team goal of $2,500! We are currently at $2,390. If you would like to donate you can do so at HERE

On September 9th I received the devastating news that we lost another friend to this horrible disease.
37 year old Stephen Olsen earned his purple wings on Wednesday. Pancreatic Cancer has taken a dad away from a 6 year old boy. He fought a good fight and together we will keep fighting. Rest in Peace Steve. Steve had reached out to Mike and I when Mike was first diagnosed. He offered support, advice, tips and much more. He always checked in on Mike and our family. You wouldn't have known how sick he was because his spirits were always high and he had a very positive attitude. Our hearts are heavy and we are deeply saddened by this news. You put up a great fight Steve and inspired us more than you will ever know! 

Shout out to my friend Pam Keenan who lost her husband this July to PC. She is such an inspiration to me. As many can imagine she is having a very difficult time with the loss of her husband. She has become one of my closest friends and feels like the sister I never had. I truly treasure our friendship. One day at a time Pam.. Mike and I love you!

Pam & Matt

Donate to Mike's Fight... all donations go directly to Mike & I.Click Here

Each Bravelet that is purchased through this site donates $10 to Mike's Fight. To purchase a Bravelet Click Here

Fundraisers and items for sale!

Here are a few upcoming events I wanted to share about spread the news about!

1. On Saturday, October 3rd we will be hosting the “2^nd Annual Michael Howell Softball Tournament”. The tournament will be held at Haverhill Stadium in Haverhill, Massachusetts. The softball tournament will include 16 teams this year. Last year’s event was very successful, there was a tournament during the day and an after party at night. This year we will only be hosting the softball tournament during the day

If you would like to put in a team please have a team captain email us at mike.stephanie.howell@gmail.com with your team name. Entry fee is $250 per a team.

Please see the flyer for more information. 

I am also looking for donations such as water, soda, snacks, candy and donation items for raffle baskets. If you would like to donate something please email me at mike.stephanie.howell@gmail.com 

2. On September 12th Mike and I along with my parents with be participating in The Marino Donnelly Foundation Corn Hole tournament. The event is hosted by the Marino Donnelly Foundation (a local pancreatic cancer foundation). The co-founders have both been affected by the disease. Joe is currently bating the diseas and Jackie lost her father two years after he was diagnosed. 

For the tournament the price of admission includes one T-Shirt per player, free drinks (including beer) and food.  The winning team receives a set of custom made Cornhole Boards.

Come give Mike and I some corn hole competition!

See below for more details! 

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/marino-donnelly-foundation-cornhole-tournament-tickets-17322702670

3. On September 26th Mike and my family will be participating in the 2015 New England Pancreatic Cancer Research Walk hosted by the Lustgarten Foundstion. We are still accepting donations to sponsor us. To donate to our team click below!

http://2015newenglandwalk.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1131269&lis=1&kntae1131269=202644763C0C489890740FCFD4C5AB0B&supId=423241843 

4. We are selling our photobooth and trailer... you can find the information on it here at this Craig's list listing http://boston.craigslist.org/nwb/for/5185045032.html

5. Mike's Fight T-shirts for Sale... 

KIDS sizes are also available!

Kids Small- Large $15

Adult Small-XL $15

Adult 2XL- 3XL $17

 I will be putting an order in on September 1st. All the money goes towards Mike and I to support our fight with pancreatic cancer. 

Email me with the size you are interested in. Mike.stephanie.howell@gmail.com

Thank you 💜

Lately we have been very involved with pancreatic cancer fundraisers, selling tshirts and looking for donations. All the money goes towards our family battle with cancer. Needless to say we are very thankful for EVERYTHING that EVERYONE has done for us. It has been a very difficult journey and we have been trying to keep our heads above water.

Donate to Mike's Fight... all donations go directly to Mike & I.
Click Here

Each Bravelet that is purchased through this site donates $10 to Mike's Fight.
To purchase a Bravelet Click Here

Update

Mike has seemed to pull through his rough patch! He has completed his first round of gemabraxine which consisted of 3 weeks on and 1 week off of treatment. His bowel obstruction has passed and has been overall feeling very well. We are gearing up for his 2nd round on this new treatment this Thursday. People often ask how many treatments does he have left? It's a tough question to answer... Along with the usual question of "how are you feeling?" To answer the first question... his treatments do not have an end date. He will continue treatment until there is a cure... He is what many would call a "lifer". It hard to answer when we get asked. It's not anyone's fault because people don't always understand the specifics of his disease. To anyone who has been affected by Pancreatic cancer it's a big deal to us that people don't know about the disease. It's a disease that remains in the shadows behind all the others. There's not enough research, knowledge, early detection, or treatments for the disease...

I'm going to take this as an opportunity to education others... 

• An estimated 48,960 Americans will be diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the U.S., and over 40,560 will die from the disease. 


• Pancreatic cancer is one of the few cancers for which survival has not improved substantially over nearly 40 years. 


• Pancreatic cancer is the 4th leading cause of cancer-related death in the United States.


• Pancreatic cancer has the highest mortality rate of all major cancers. 94% of pancreatic cancer patients will die within five years of diagnosis – only 7% will survive more than five years. 74% of patients die within the first year of diagnosis.


• The average life expectancy after diagnosis with metastatic disease is just three to six months.


• Treatment options for pancreatic cancer are limited. Surgical removal of the tumor is possible in less than 20% of patients diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Chemotherapy or chemotherapy together with radiation is typically offered to patients whose tumors cannot be removed surgically. 


• Pancreatic cancer is a leading cause of cancer death largely because there are no detection tools to diagnose the disease in its early stages when surgical removal of the tumor is still possible.


• The National Cancer Institute (NCI) spent an estimated $105.3 million on pancreatic cancer research in 2012. This represented a mere 1.8% of the NCI’s approximate $5.8 billion cancer research budget for that year.

The statistics are hard to swallow and difficult for us to comprehend. We try not to think about it and hope we will be one of the very few to break that statistic. It's hard to do when everything seems so white and black. One of the hardest things about cancer is having to live everyday despite knowing the outcome. We've met friends along the way that share this dreadful disease. We've also lost friends to the disease... It's devastating and leaves us with heavy hearts. I've been watching my good friend suffer the loss of her husband and It's heart wrenching. However we are each other's greatest support system. No one else gets it like we can get each other. One of the things we often talk about is we were one of the lucky ones to find such a great love. We were blessed with a relationship of communication, loyalty and honesty. So why our husbands? We will never know... no one can answer that for us. 

On a more positive note lately we have taken advantage of Mike feeling well. Mike and I went away to a resort on the ocean in CT this past weekend. We had a great time.

Today we took Ava to Water Country.

 

Ava has been having a hard time lately. She's getting older and realizing the severity of Mike's cancer. We have been making lots of fun memories with her which makes her feel a little better.

Mike and I have just started planning the 2nd Annual Michael Howell Softball Tournment on Saturday, September 5th. https://www.facebook.com/mhsoftballtournament 

Anyone who would like to put in a softball team please contact us at mike.stephanie.howell@gmail.com 

We are also looking for donations of supplies like soda, water, snacks, candy, and business sponsors. Please email me if you would like to make a donation. We greatly appreciate it.

Donate to Mike's Fight... all donations go directly to Mike & I.
Click Here

Each Bravelet that is purchased through this site donates $10 to Mike's Fight.
To purchase a Bravelet Click Here

Hoping for better days

Thursday, Mike and I went into Dana Farber for treatment # 25. Where did the time go? 25 chemotherapy treatments... to think back it is insane. September 2nd was a year to date that we went into the hospital for the first time. Since then we have had 5 hospital visits, 2 that were overnight for 3-5 days at a time. He's had countless days of not feeling well. Emotional break downs, chronic stomach pain, struggles to make events with family and friends. Over 25 different types of prescriptions, a 8 year old daughter that hasn't been dealing with things well... a wife that has been pushed beyond her limits that has been stronger than she ever has been. It's been so hard. People can't even imagine how hard it is. I am on the battle front every day with Mike. When he goes down I hold him up. I try everything I can to help make him feel better.

No one understands it... unless you have been there. My friend Pam who lost her husband Matt to this messed up disease back in July, put it perfectly. You don't choose your family, mom, dad, brothers, or sisters... (luckily for me I got lucky with my family) you may choose some friends who come and go through out your life. What makes it hard is that we chose our husbands... I choose Mike through sickness and health, for better or worse. I chose to spend the rest of my life with him... to share his beautiful daughter with and to hopefully start a family of our own someday... This past year has been the hardest thing I have  ever had to face... It's obvious that nothing about this is easy. None of it makes sense, every single bit of it hurts. It hurts so deep in a way that I could never explain...

Back to Thursday morning I feel like I jinxed us because that morning I was rushing around trying to get paperwork filled out and get things in order. I stopped myself in the moment and thought that things seemed "too" normal. When I say normal I use the term lightly because our lives are nothing but normal.  It crossed my mind that maybe things wouldn't go as planned. I reassure myself that it's not like we were getting scan results it was just a normal treatment day. I quickly shook the thoughts out of my head and moved on with our jammed pack scheduled day. 

We got to Dana Farber on time. He got his bloodwork done and his port worked just fine which was good since the last few treatments his port didn't work and had to be flushed, medicated and fixed. 

We met with his oncologist. Mike and him had their typical banter between their football teams Mike (Patriots) his oncologist (Jets). We were all laughing and joking like we weren't sitting in a cancer treatment facility or in a cancer patient room being seen by an oncologist. Things were going well his labs were looking good until his oncologist paused.... my heart sank... his oncologist said his platelets were too low. They were not safe enough for him to have treatment. All the football banter and jokes came to a stand still. I asked why this had happened. His oncologist said that many patients that switch from Folfirinox to Gemabraxine often have this reaction. He said that Folfirinox is a heavy hitter chemo and breaks down the bone marrow where the platelets are produced. He wasn't sure if his platelet numbers were still on their way down or on their way up. Either way he could not have treatment. Mike is at risk for internal bleeding. When the platelet counts are low his blood is not able to clot normally. We have to watch out for any hits, falls, or accidents to make sure he does not have any injuries. Mike's liver enzymes were high as well. They said it could be because of the chemotherapy.

We left Dana Farber not knowing what to think... we were scared.

Mike went to bed Friday night very congested and not feeling well. It sounded like he was coming down with a cold. I called the doctor in the morning and they prescribed him an antibiotic. Hopefully this will help him feel better soon. Tonight he was battling some stomach pain. He went to bed and hopefully he will be feeling better by tomorrow. We plan to spend the day together and we're looking forward to it!

Wednesday night Pam came to visit. We brought her out to dinner at Brown's and then hung out at our house for the night. It is so nice to be able to spend time with her. 

We also has a family cook out this weekend.

Just a reminder Mike, myself and our families are participating in the 2015 New England Pancreatic Cancer Research Walk. I am $85 away from reaching my personal goal of $500. If you would like to donate to my page please click below to donate.

Stephanie's Donation Page


Reminder

We are looking for more teams!

On Saturday, October 3rd we will be hosting the “2^nd Annual Michael Howell Softball Tournament”. The tournament will be held at Haverhill Stadium in Haverhill, Massachusetts. The softball tournament will include 16 teams this year. Last year’s event was very successful, there was a tournament during the day and an after party at night. This year we will only be hosting the softball tournament during the day

If you would like to put in a team please have a team captain email us at mike.stephanie.howell@gmail.com with your team name. Entry fee is $250 per a team.

Please see the flyer for more information. 

Mike's Fight T-shirts for Sale... 

Kids Small- Large $15

Adult Small-XL $15

Adult 2XL- 3XL $17

Email me with the size you are interested in. Mike.stephanie.howell@gmail.com

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Treament Update

Two Monday's ago was Mike's first treatment of Gemabraxine. He has had a really rough time with it. He ran a really high temperature last Wednesday of 104.1... cancer patients are advised to go to the hospital when their temperature reaches over 100.4. Due to the different risks of infections. Mike convinced me he would be fine as always! I called his doctor and he said to give it an hour if his temp did not go down with Tylenol then we would need to bring him in for blood work. Luckily his temp did go down. 

His new treatment causes flu like symptoms, chills, body aches, high temps, nausea, vomiting. Unfortunately, Mike had them all. He is having a hard time swallowing his meds now without gagging from being so nauseous. We have been crushing the ones we can and he's been taking them with applesauce. He vomits 1-3 times a day. He's not eating much if at all. His weight has dropped 20 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks. His nausea is pretty much 24/7. He's had constipation from all the nausea and pain meds. He's not able to sleep much at night. He's developed a rash on his legs that at times is unbearable. Thursday night his legs were in so much pain from his rash and the treatment's "flu like symptoms"... he could not get comfortable. He rolled around on the couch then to the floor before I recommended a bath with Epsom salt. He soaked in the bath for a while and I rubbed his legs to help with the muscle pain...

We've been battling one symptom at a time... which usually ends up offsetting another symptom in another direction. It's hard to keep up with it all. Like I've mentioned before he is very depressed from the whole situation. When he stares off into the distance I can see the pain in his eyes. It breaks my heart. I miss my husband and our old lives so much. Every new day seems harder than the last.

I'm thankful he is here and has put up such a hard fight. Even though I can see he's losing sight of the larger picture I am happy he is here with us. I need him, Ava needs him our families need him. So while his mind and body is tired right now that is okay. He deals with so much... I will continue to help him fight every day.

I once read an article about what is harder... having cancer or having a spouse that has cancer. It's a tough question because as a caregiver I think my job is tough.. quitting my job to care for all my husbands needs, bringing him to appointments, picking up prescriptions, making sure he takes his 10-20 pills a day, keeping track of his fluid and food intake, making sure he goes the bathroom, helping him through his real sick moments, keeping his mind positive, keeping family and friends informed on his health, caring for our daughter Ava and puppy Sadie, keeping up with the house work and yard work that never ends, going to work with my husband and telling him to stop for the day when his body has had enough, the sight of seeing him go through this horrible disease, letting my own needs and health suffer, the list goes on forever I could even explain in more detail but when it comes down to it my job as a care giver is hard... but Mike's job as a cancer patient is defiantly harder. He watches his body disappoint and fail on him every day. He has the physical pain from the tumor and side effects from treatment. He thinks about his daughters and wife's future. Worst of all he fights every day for something that most people around us takes advantage of daily... he fights for his LIFE. Although I may feel like I have it worse... I don't. If I could take it all away I would. I could question why him why us why everything every day but I just can't. I focus on the right now. When I start to stress out I take it hour by hour. When that is too much then I focus on minute by minute to get through the day.

We are at treatment now and hopefully treatment this week goes much better... His doctor gave us different medications to help him prevent the nausea, help him use the bathroom and help him sleep. Fingers crossed!

Even though Mike did not feel very well this weekend we still had a good time with our families. Mike's brother came to visit from NY. We had a cookout, game night, homemade breakfast at the house and I may have or may not have gotten "white girl wasted" as Doug called it from two bottles of wine. : ) Overall I it was a lot of fun and we all needed that family time together.

I finally went to a specialist for my ankle that I sprained two months ago. I have to see a physical therapist twice a week for 6 weeks plus take an antibiotic to help with the swelling. Hopefully it heals on its own so I do not need surgery :(

I am thankful for the woman who reached out to me and donated a spa package to me. Thanks again. I am really bad at taking time for myself. I feel guilty and don't always do it on my own! Mike's brother Doug is coming again this weekend and is also treating me to a spa day. I look forward to it.

We are selling Mike's Fight T-shirts... all the money goes towards Mike and I to support our fight with pancreatic cancer.

Shirts are $15 for sizes S-XL and $17 for sizes 2XL-3XL. I will be submitting orders on Sept 1st. If you are interested email me at mike.stephanie.howell@gmail.com with the size you are interested in.

Donate to Mike's Fight... all donations go directly to Mike & I.
Click Here

Each Bravelet that is purchased through this site donates $10 to Mike's Fight.
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