Where dreams come true...

Mike had his 47th treatment this past Thursday. He has been tired but doing well. In the past few months Ava has understandably struggled with her dads cancer. We spend a lot of time talking about his cancer. Wishing that we can take it away or that it never even happened. We even talk about what would happen if the cancer took him from us. These conversations are always tough but knowing we have one another always helps us get through it. We don't know what the future holds but Ava and I will need one another for the rest of our lives. We share a special bond that no one can or will ever break. Unfortunately Ava has had to deal with toxic people in her life that don't seem to make things easy on her. She has spent many times crying to Mike and I about very hurtful things that are said to her... about herself, about her dads illness and about myself. She has even been shamed (not by us) for speaking up about the truth. Some people are just bullies it's as simple as that. They are miserable in their own lives and will go to any lengths to bring others down with him. To tell a child it's better if her father dies, or that I gave him cancer along with many other sick and twisted lies is just VERY wrong. The damage that could be instilled in her by these actions is tremendous. As my dad always says you just can't fix stupid. We teach her how to protect herself and provide her with all the love in the world. You can't change negative... toxic... inside and out down right ugly... jealous... selfish people. That's okay words are just words. They don't bother Mike and I and we will continue to teach Ava the same. Mike and I can't always protect her but we can continue to provide her with love and with the support that she deserves and needs. Ava is a smart girl she knows better than that. If I could trade with Mike and take the cancer into my own body so that Ava and him could be together forever I would. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. No matter what happens I will always be here for Ava for my entire life I'm not going anywhere and she knows that. One thing for sure is that little girl will never go a day doubting the amount of love that Mike, myself and our families have for her. She is one of a kind and I'm so blessed to call her my daughter. Some of our favorite moments we share are when we go for walks and talk or when we laugh and giggle together for hours. I never thought I would learn so much from a sweet and loving little soul. Between the two of us with so much sadness in our lives you can still always find a twinkle in her eyes and a smile on my face when we're together. May 1st is step Mother's Day and Ava has planned the day out for me I can't wait to see what's in store! 

On a happier note Mike and I were given the opportunity to surprise Ava with a road trip to Disney World. We woke Ava up at 4 in the morning one day and dragged her into the car leaving her to wonder what it was all about! We had a lot of fun and made some great family memories driving to Florida. We were so thankful to have a great trip with amazing weather and lots of fun! Mike did great on the trip. One day he rented a scooter due tinhusbkegs being very sore but the rest of the time we walked. We are always concerned with how his body will react to big events and he did so well. We stopped in North Carolina along the way as well as in Savannah, Georgia which was beautiful. We stayed on the beach in Daytona and made our way to the newly renovated Disney Carribean Beach resort. We had lunch with 5 Disney princesses in Epcot, we hung out with Micky, Minnie and the gang. We spent time at Hollywood studios where Ava loved the Indianna Jones stunt show. We had lunch in an old 1950's car at a drive in theatre restaurant under the stars. Lastly at Magic Kingdom Ava was feeling daring and we went on many rides. Ava got in tons of swimming at the gorgeous pool (so glad last summer swim lessons paid off!) We can't complain our vacation was great. Creating family memories is the best medicine. We get to slip out of our every day reality and into our own fantasy land. We are so grateful for these opportunities. Here's some photos! 

To donate to Mike's Fight Click Here  

Just stop and think about it

About a few weeks ago Mike's oncologists had let us know his blood sugar levels were very high. They continued to monitor him and said he may be developing diabetes. He has been feeling dizzy, lightheaded and very exhausted along with a constant thirst that no liquid seemed to satisfy. To me it made sense that he was diabetic with the symptoms he had been experiencing. They did a glucose test that checked his levels over the past few months and decided that he did develop diabetes and needed to start medication. Mike of course wasn't thrilled and was ready to refuse to take another daily shot. He is still on daily blood thinner shots, fortunately for him they are now once a day opposed to twice a day. Thankfully the diabetes Meds were in pill form. He started on a pill once a day to help monitor his blood sugar levels. There are few reasons why he developed diabetes.  Diabetes runs in his family both on his mother's and father's side. The steroids he receives weekly from chemo also causes blood sugar levels to increase. His diet which includes many sweets, sodas, and juices doesn't help. Having PC cancer also can contribute to diabetes. 

What is diabetes?


Diabetes is a disease in which the body does not make or properly use a pancreatic hormone called insulin. Insulin helps the body utilize glucose (sugar) efficiently. Normally, insulin allows glucose to enter cells to be used for energy. In the case of diabetes, either the body does not produce enough insulin or the amount that is produced is not fully effective. Instead of entering cells, the glucose remains in the blood resulting in high blood glucose levels. 

There are several types of diabetes. Type 1 type 2 and an "other" category. Mike falls within the "other" category. Other types of diabetes result from specific genetic conditions, surgery, medications, infections, pancreatic diseases (including pancreatic cancer) and other illnesses.

Due to Mike's cancer his pancreas no longer functions properly. He struggles with food/liquid digestion as well as his insulin levels. Symptoms from these are less than pleasant. It cause stomach irritation, struggles with bowels, indigestion, fatigue, dizziness, irritability, neuropathy (tingling in hands and feet) and the list goes on. 

When Mike found out he was diabetic he didn't react too much. His words exactly were, "hey why not just throw it into the pile of symptoms." He has dealt with so much physically, mentally, and emotionally... Even I have struggled physically, mentally and emotionally. Even though it's not my body that's intruded with cancer. 

Our lives are seen through completely different eyes than before. We are forced to live like he is dying because in all honestly we were told he is... I know that it makes many people uncomfortable to hear me say that. I'm not being negative or giving up I'm just stating what the reality of this shitty situation is. Yes we have hope for a cure or that he will fight for many years, but at the same time his diagnosis engulfs us and defeats us on a daily basis. We know his disease is incurable... We know this chemo isn't going to save him. We know we're "buying time". With all this being said what do you think goes through his mind? I ask for YOU who are reading this right now to stop and think what would YOUR life look like or what would YOU think if YOU were told that YOU were dying but not exactly sure when and there is nothing YOU can do about it? But it's not just that you are dying but your body will continue to suffer and deteriorate right before your very own eyes as well as in front of your loved ones eyes. I'm sure you would say "I... just... can't.... even... imagine..." and then you would continue to read this blog and go on with the rest of your day... week... even life. Today I'm just asking you to stop and really think about it... Force yourself to put yourself in Mike's shoes. Think about the people that would be affected, maybe you have kids...  bothers, sisters, parents even pets... think about your job... how the pay cut would effect you or even the job you would eventually have to leave or be fired from. Your rent your mortgage the place you call home. Your medical insurance and the medical bills. How would you sustain it all and oh yeah while you worry about these parts of your life don't forget about the fact that your ill, your body is weak and your tired. EVERYTHING changes. What you can and can't do (dreams & future). What you want to do but no longer can (plans & activities). What you have to do but don't want to (hospitals & chemo treatments). By thinking about it maybe it will help you put your life into perspective or maybe it won't do anything for you. My hope is that it helps make you think. Instead of simply saying "I... just... can't... even... imagine" or "I don't know how you do it" or "I couldn't handle that" or maybe some people subconsciously think... thank goodness that's not my life. I just want you to think about how much something like terminal cancer changes you and your life. 

Your friends come and go, you become a part of a new community... The cancer patient and caregiver community. You meet new people that are struggling just as bad in every aspect of their lives. However it's a bit of a relief for them to know exactly what your going through. There really is no good way to explain what it is like for Mike and myself in this situation. Like I've said many times before our lives are a roller coaster. It's hard to get our heads straight. As for me I'm constantly struggling with my short term memory loss. I used to jump out of bed the first time my alarm went off, I was always on time. I didn't forget things daily and behind these smiles I wasn't an angry person always on edge. It's from the amount of stress I've been under for 20 months. Constant... constant stress, anxiety, and depression. I hate that I've forgotten what it's like to wake up and not worry. To go out to dinner and not have a panic attack. I'm tired of looking at other families when we're out who are happy and laughing. I'm tired of wondering what it would be like for Mike and I to have our own baby... What would he or she look like. Would they have my miniature ears or have Mike's dumbo ears? I'm tired of avoiding people I see in public that I know just so I don't have to talk about my husband's cancer. I miss making plans and sticking with them. I hate wondering if future plans will include Mike being there too. Those are just a few things that haunt me on a daily basis.

There's so many things we'd rather be doing today but today we have to go to treatment. My husband will walk into outpatient treatment today visually looking well. We hope he will receive his chemo which will be his 47th treatment. He will take his usual nap. But when it's time to leave he will visually not look so well and may or may not use a wheelchair. 

To donate to Mike's Fight Click Here 

Treatment 45

It's been a while since I wrote last. Many people think the worst when I don't post anything for a while. I can understand that. It takes a lot out of me to write. I will start off with some photos and updates of what we have been up to lately.

 

It's a busy birthday time for the Howell's. Ava's birthday was on Tuesday and she turned nine. We went out to dinner did presents and had ice cream cake. We had a great time celebrating and are looking forward to her party this weekend. Happy Birthday Ava! We love you!

Birthday Girl

Ava & Daddy

My little love!

Family <3

Birthday Cake

 

My birthday is on Friday. Mike and I celebrated early due to his treatment schedule. We went out with friends last weekend. It was a fun time. First time in a long time where it felt normal to be around our friends. He got to hang out with the guys and I hang out with the girls! Thanks to all of you who could make it.

 

; )

 

My BFC ; )

At a friend's fundraiser

 

We spent Easter Sunday at brunch with The Lanza's and the Howell's. Mike was very hungry that day which was great to see. He helped himself to many plates of food :)

Easter Brunch

 

 

For those of you who are local... our good friend Kc Godin is hosting a 45's Tournament to benefit Mike's Fight. There is still room to sign up but you must do so soon! If you would like to register his information is on the flyer below. Hope to see you there.

 

Today marks treatment number 45 for Mike. It has been 1 year and 7 months since his diagnosis. There have been a lot of emotions lately. We're thankful that he has been beating this monster for this long but it also makes us very scared. We're scared because he has outlived the average person with this disease and he has outlived his original prognosis of 10 months. We're scared for the day we find out his next scan comes back bad. We're scared for when there are no more treatment options. We have been moving through the motions for so long it feels like nothing bad will ever happen. It feels like to keep Mike well and here we have to sacrifice him having treatment and not feeling that well but in the end it means he will be here forever. At this point I'm sure he would agree, we would prefer those horrible treatments where his body is poisoned with chemo if it meant keeping him here with us.

 

I don't focus on the prognosis like I did when I first heard it. I have learned along the way that a prognosis doesn't mean a whole lot in that moment. I used to think it was a time sensitive death sentence. Oh man I was wrong to think that. It's easy to get lost in the numbers and words like death. I know all the people I've meet through this journey feel the same... they harp on the information and it makes them literally sick. What I have learned through out this all is that every person is different. Every tumor is different. No two people have the exact same reactions whether it's a good one or bad. My lesson for all is don't get too caught up in the prognosis. It's an estimate. There is no equation that knows exactly how long a patient has. You have to remember we are all dying... Every single one of us. We have all heard the phrase you could get hit by a bus tomorrow... any single one of us. For all my caregiver friends, patients and everyone else... don't get caught up on the prognosis. Don't use your energy that you consume yourself with worries instead flip it around and use that energy on making memories with your sick loved ones. Instead fill your mind and heart with happiness, laughter, smiles and precious moments. Be with them. Be in the present. Get off the internet and get off the damn phone. You don't want to waste the time that you have with them now.

Many people know chemo makes you sick but they don't see first hand how bad it really is. Here is a day in the life... We spend on average 8 hours a visit at Dana Farber between lab draws, appointments, chemo pumps, and iv drugs. Mike sleeps in the chairs in between appointments. Treatment days get to him. He anticipates the anxiety that overcomes him when he walks into the building. Even the car ride in is silent. It's hard to recognize him and who he is on treatment days. We subconsciously hold our breath while we wait for his doctor to come in the room every time. Waiting to hear his lab results. He maintained his weight this week... check, his labs came back good... check, his symptoms were managed this week... check, he's good to get chemo this week... double check. We always try to get him a bed. Mike just can't do chemo in the chair. It's uncomfortable, it doesn't push back far enough, and he doesn't like the curtain separating him from everyone else getting injected with their poison. When he has a bed he can relax and after a few short awkward hours of rest Mike is all set to go home. He peels himself off the bed very disorganized and nauseous. We make our way to the car sometimes I'm pushing him in a wheelchair other times he stumbles through the halls with me holding his arm while he clenches on to the puke bag. More so often he dry heaves the whole ride home while I frantically look at the road and back at him as I weave in and out through the city to get him home and comfortable. Sometimes I don't even remember driving home. Mike falls asleep while I turn up the music to drown out my bad thoughts, to drown out my silent tears and everything else around me. I hate those drives home from treatment. I get a lump in my throat that hurts. Sometimes the tears fill up my eyes and I have to squint them away. They become magnified from all the city lights and dance around the highway. I hate knowing how sick Mike will feel the next few days. Once we're home he barley has the energy to get out of the car and into the house. He usually goes to the couch to fall asleep after taking his nightly concoction of pills and blood thinner shot. I wake him up later to go to bed for the night and into hibernation for the next few days. During the night he sweats out the chemo, soaking his clothes and pillow. He usually wakes up many times through out the night to use the bathroom due to his 2L of iv fluids he recieves. He never gets a good nights rest after chemo. The next day he stays in bed sometimes till noon. Once he gets up he makes his way downstairs for his 1 of 2 daily blood thinner shots and then proceeds to choke down his daily morning concoction of pills and heads to the couch for the day. I soon creep in acting like a waitress trying to take his order and get him to eat. Some days I'm successful others I'm not. The barrel is always close by for when he gets sick and sometimes he does. He doesn't have energy to do anything. He barley eats, he's fatigued sleeping on and off. I monitor him for the next few days for fevers from the chemo. When he sits there, sometimes by himself, not feeling well his mind wonders. He thinks about the worst. What his life has become, how it will end, becoming sicker, he thinks about Ava, myself and our futures. These thoughts are just as toxic as the chemo... I go into auto pilot mode. Cleaning the house, running errands, and everything else in between. I stop for snuggles and kisses when he's awake. Subconsciously I'm trying to keep my own mind and body busy. Lately Mike's mind has been down and depressed. He feels weaker. He feels like he won't be around much longer. It feels like a dagger to the heart that is then ripped through my stomach. It never gets easier hearing these painful words coming from my husband. I've become so numb lately. My emotions are raw, my heart aches. We bargain with ourselves constantly. Why him, why us, why not someone else? When people ask how I am doing lately I say we're hanging in there. When I say this I literally mean hanging, I want to let go. I want to throw my hands in the air and scream I don't want do this, I don't want Mike suffering. I want to take it all away I want to heal him. I'm not fine, he's not fine, our daughters not fine and our families aren't fine. I'm tired. I feel less than human. I don't think straight and I never feel right. Days blend together. My mind doesn't work like it use to. I can't remember things and I hate it. I lay in bed every night fighting my thoughts away. Wondering what we did wrong to deserve this. There are no answers to find and that makes it worse. We just want to know why? I'm sad, broken, hurt, scared, exhausted and some days I don't know how to keep going. But yet each morning I open my eyes, I hesitate and pull my self out of bed. I suit up and I do what has to be done for Mike, for my family and for myself. No matter how hard things are right now I am so thankful that Mike is here and he is fighting. I refuse to let myself think I ever have to do this life alone some day...  

 

Dear Cancer,

 

It may seem like you have control in my life right now, but you really don't

Your presence only makes me stronger, braver, kinder, wiser

I choose how I think, what I speak and how I love

You will never be able to touch those things, NEVER

 

To donate to Mike's Fight Click Here All donations go directly to us. 

 

 

 

Germs & Treatment

It's been a while since I posted last so I figured I would give an update. This past Thursday Mike had his 43rd treatment. We were so happy to see our favorite nurse Erin. It had been a few months since we saw her last. We have gotten attached to two nurses now. One had left a few months ago to further her career and Erin's day off had changed to our usual Thursday's so we had been bummed! Having a connection with a great nurse truly makes all the difference in the world. We love you and everything you have and continue to do for us Elena and Erin! 

It's hard to believe he has been fighting for 18 long months. I couldn't be any more prouder of him. It's been a hard journey that no one else can truly understand but us. Hand in hand we cross each hurdle as they are thrown at us. Recently he came down with another new symptom. He had been complaining of a sore throat for a few days. We didn't think too much about it. After a few more days it was becoming harder and harder for him to swallow. He was getting an excessive amount of saliva which was continually gagging him to the point of dry heaving. We were sitting in the car and all the sudden it clicked I asked him to show me his tounge and gums and I could see the white patches all over them. I instantly knew it was thrush. Thrush is a fungal infection that is most common in infants but also common in people with weakened immune systems (such as people with cancer). We had heard about it before. I wish I had thought of it sooner so he didn't have to suffer as long. This was by far his worst symptom he said he has encountered. He said he would prefer the cancer pain in his stomach over the pain from thrush. Watching him so miserable was hard. He couldn't even talk or eat. He quickly dropped a few pounds and was stomach sick from only eating popsicles and juice for days. His oncologist prescribed him a mouth wash to take care of the infection and after a few days he was feeling much better. Unfortunately today it seems like his thrush started to come back again. He already started taking his meds again. 

Thursday when we were at his treatment I wasn't feeling so well. I woke up really achy and miserable. As the day went on I felt worse. By the time we got home from treatment I couldn't wait to crawl on to the couch. Throughout the night I had a fever that spiked to 103. I had emailed my doctor to let her know that I wasn't feeling well. She is well aware of Mike's health and wanted me to come in. My mom brought me Friday morning and she gave me medicine. I also spent the night in our spare bedroom to contain the germs from Mike so he could be protected. Since he had treatment that day his blood counts would be dropping over the next few days which always puts him at high risk for infections. 5 days later I'm still miserable. I have been wearing masks and disinfecting the house continuously. I haven't been this sick in a long time. It sucks because I couldn't take care of Mike after his treatment and he can't take care of me because of his immune system. This has been hard for me. When your sick all you want to do is to snuggle up with your loved ones and have them take care of you. I couldn't do this and it hurts my heart. Protecting him is my top priority so I do what I have to do. Thankfully we had Ava this weekend and she took great care of Mike and I. She kept asking me if I needed anything and brought me water often to stay hydrated! I would ask if she was getting up soon and if she could grab me my medicine and she would say you don't have to ask if I'm getting up I want you to tell me what you need and I'll do it right away. It was like a reversed mother daughter role and boy did she tell me! She was my hands in helping me make dinner so I didn't contaminate any of the food. She is such a sweetheart. I kept saying I was sorry I was sick and she reassured me it was okay because I'm always the one taking care of her and daddy. She said it was her turn. We're usually always caught up in some type of activities when she's with us but I wasn't up for anything. She just laid in bed and on the couch with me and chit chatted. I'm so blessed to have her as my daughter. 

The moms also came over and helped clean the house, do chores and make dinner for us which was a huge help. Thanks moms! You're the best!

Saturday we had our families over for Sadie's (our family dog) first birthday. I know it sounds ridiculous but it was a great way to get all the family together. We all had a great time despite Mike and I not feeling so well. It's always nice to create family memories when we can. 

That's about all for now. We're just all trying to recover and feel better! 

To donate to Mike's Fight Click Here All donations go directly to us. 

Latest scan results

Saturday Mike had treatment. We had to go into Dana Farber on Friday for him to get his labs done and to be cleared for treatment for Saturday. Luckily all was good to come back the next day. That night we rushed to get home to take Ava to her school for a father daughter dance. He wasn't feeling great but he made it happen like always. He's such an amazing father to Ava. On Saturday he finally started to receive his two chemo's again. We were very glad for him to be back on both. However his body wasn't as glad as we were. He was miserably sick for 3 days and struggled the next few. He had been doing so well after treatments so it was tough to see him so sick again. He also didn't have much turn around time before his next treatment (only 5 days).

Today Mike received his 42nd treatment. It was a very long day. We headed to DF at 9am and didn't get home until 8pm. He started the day off with a scan before his chemo. Since Ava is on school vacation this week she asked if she could come in with us. She really enjoys coming in. She loves to be involved with Mike and his treatments and likes to help out in any way she can. Her therapist and our social worker have always highly recommend her coming in. The research on this topic is extensive and agrees. When dealing with sick parents and children it is so important to keep the children a part of the process. It helps them learn, cope, and feel like they are included. Of course every family and child is different and it is always up to the parents and child to make those decisions. For Ava it has been VERY helpful. She is able to learn things in an appropriate and safe environment. The nurses and doctors are always so happy to see her. They are gentle with her. They take the time to explain things to help her understand. She even asked them questions all on her own. It makes Mike so happy when she comes in with us I love it too. She's my little side kick and helps me make Mike comfortable and at ease. Today Ava even got to help the nurse out by scanning the meds into the computer. She felt so important and it was truly a priceless moment. She had a huge smile on her face and wanted to help out more!

A few weeks ago Mike, myself and Ava got the opportunity to go into Dana Farber for a Parenting with Cancer group. It was put on by the social workers including ours. We were happy she finally got to meet Katelyn, our social worker. We met other families in the same situation as us. Ava had the opportunity to meet other children her age who had sick parents. We had separate sessions (kids had one group and the adults had another). Then we all came together and did a group session. We worked on an activity with our families. We decorated walking sticks. It went along with the theme of the kids session. They drew pictures of getting over a mountain of obstacles. The walking sticks represented our family tool to help us get over the hard times.  Ava also got balloons, books and lots of pizza... oh and I can't forget about the endless cookies! She was so happy to meet the other kids. She said it made her not feel so alone being the only kid with a sick parent. Overall it was a great experience and we all would highly recommend it to other families in similar situations. Dana Farber does a great job helping children who have sick parents. They provide many great resources and are always trying to help in any way possible.

Working on our project.

Showing off our project! Our family walking stick.

Today we had a lot of time in between Mike's scan and his treatment. We went to the café for lunch. Then stopped by the resource center. Ava picked out a book to take home and we went to the arts and crafts room. We made bracelets and paper flowers. Ava made a paper flower for Dad's doctor, his nurse and our social worker. The flower she made for his oncologist was even his favorite football teams colors. The Jets green and white! As we went through our day she passed her gifts out. She got tons of compliments in the elevators on how pretty her flowers were. She is so adorable.

Hanging out in the craft room

Ava with her flowers

After Mike got started with his treatment our social worker Katelyn came by to visit. Ava already loves her and has proceeded to tell her she's pretty many times she also told the receptionist she was pretty too, who then have her a cupcake rubber ducky. Ava's always handing out compliments and making everyone feel so good! Ava showed Katelyn all the good stuff she packed in her bag to keep her busy, including her cd collection.

Ava with our social worker

When her CD player batteries ran out the nurse came back with a baggy full of new ones. Such amazing staff. After Katelyn left we went to pick up Mike's medications at the pharmacy. We also stopped in the gift shop and got matching bracelets that read "Never never never never never ever give up". She picked out a kids activity book too. Back in the infusion room we colored together before grabbing dinner. Once Mike finished treatment we headed home. As we got into the car Mike started to feel sick. He started dry heaving. I always look to Ava when she's around and this happens. In the past when Mike has started to throw up she gets very upset and starts to cry as she hides her face in my tummy. Today was the first time she looked at me and said, Mommy I'm okay. A few days ago when I picked her up I had told her dad was at home resting not feeling well. She quickly asked was he throwing up. I said yes. She said, "It's okay I don't want him to feel like he has to hide being sick for me, I understand." I was blown away. As I sit here and write this it brings tears to my eyes. I hate how she has been forced to grow up so quickly but I am so grateful that she is in my life. Instead of her running away and hiding when Mike starts to get sick she now jumps in and says how can I help. Whether it's a cool cloth, trash barrel, or drink she's there. Sometimes I forget she's only 8 (well today she told every one she was 9 because her birthday is coming up. Her reasoning was it was easier to say 9 than 8... not sure what her logic was with that one!). She is so mature, brave, and strong. I tell her all the time. We talk about daddy's illness a lot when we are alone. We NEED each other. We both couldn't go through this without one another. Some days she needs me and others I need her. His illness has brought us so close together. We have an amazing bond that I am eternally grateful for. Between her and the puppy I'm never alone sometimes I feel like I have my own entourage when I walk in the room. Mike always laughs and calls us the trio.  

Chemo selfies

So here is what you all have been waiting for... Mike's scan results! Since we have been in this fight for a while now I have learned how to manage my scanxity (for now). Knowing Mike's tumor markers have been very low almost not detectable in his labs and knowing he has been feeling relatively well. I wasn't very anxious about this scan report. Something was telling me my feeling was right. Mike on the other hand was not feeling so good about it. He felt like being off of one of the chemo's for so long was a recipe for disaster. Luckily today my feeling was right. His scan showed no new growths and the current ones had decreased. Of course having it all disappear isn't exactly in our cards it was still a great thing to hear. Like I have mentioned in the past we live scan to scan. Now we feel like we can breathe easy for a couple of months. Thank you for all your prayers as always! Our support is truly amazing. My YouTube video has received over 1,600 views and this blog has over 40,000 views!

Our fear is always when will this treatment stop and we're at the end of our road. I shared this concern with his doctor today and he talked us through it. He even said there was a drug that Mike would be eligible for if his current treatment stopped. Unfortunately even he could not pronounce the drug name. It was all I needed to hear to get my focus back in check.

Mike and I have an amazing marriage built on love, communication, honesty, trust, and loyalty. We were one of the lucky ones to find our true love. Many don't get this opportunity or are stuck in toxic relationships. The cancer life is tough but our relationship makes it a little bit more manageable. My job in life right now is to care for my family. I give Mike and Ava my ALL. Even when my needs are not met and why is that? Because they deserve it. When their needs are met it allows me to lay my head down to sleep at night. The relationship that Mike and I have helps us lead by example for our daughter. Though cancer may be teaching her the hardest lesson possibly in her life that she will have to learn but it also teaches her one of the greatest which is true love. I can't make it all go away but I can make them comfortable and as happy as possible. The choices our family makes while WE are on this journey maybe not everyone agrees with but that's okay because we don't care what other people think... no one can break us. We have endured a lot through hell and back and nothing is going to stop us from the love we have for one another not even... CANCER!

On that note, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER EVER GIVE UP

This is an older photo but one of my favorite ones of our family.

To donate to Mike's Fight Click Here All donations go directly to us.