Today we got Mike's scan results. Everything seems to move in slow motion (besides my heart) on scan results day. We were waiting to find out the next step of our lives... My legs were bouncing around with anticipation and I couldn't sit still while Mike slept on the couch. He wore a mask today due to his cold.
After waiting for about two hours we finally got called into meet with the Doctor. We started the long walk down the hall to the exam room. My legs didn't want to keep moving. I tried to count to 5 in my head... by the time I got to 2 that idea flew out the window. I sat in the chair with racing thoughts through my head of all different scenarios. The doctor came in made a joke about Mike's mask and made fun of our beloved Patriots and I knew he must have had good news. I mean who makes jokes when they are about to give you news about your life changing for the worst! With a smirk on his face he said... Mike's scan looked good and that his tumors were continuing to shrink... I felt like I could breathe again and was smiling from ear to ear I could have jumped into the air and danced around. I looked at Mike and said are you happy about that and he said yes!
We kind of expected this to be the result but can never be too sure. He's generally been feeling well with little to no stomach pain, no nausea or vomiting, no bowel troubles, he's been eating and maintaining his weight. His tumor markers have also been low enough to not be detected in his lab draws. So I suspected this was going to correlate with a "good scan result".
Mike had the option to hold off treatment today due to his cold but he decided that a good scan result meant he wants to keep pushing ahead. The doctor was okay with that so he dose reduced his chemo and ordered two liters of fluids to help him bounce back from his cold. He also reminded us that his treatment plan wasn't a sprint but a marathon. He didn't have to push through treatment when he already felt miserable but for those who know my husband he is head strong and wanted to push ahead. I truly believe his stubbornness and me picking him up along the way is keeping him in the "marathon". Who would have thought his stubbornness would keep him on top?
For now we can breathe easy and get through the holidays. For those who ask how do we do it? There's no easy response we just keep going our journey is not over. Though he has had some days recently that he's said he wants to give up and that he's tired I help him get through it. He has his moments... he's tired mentally and his body is tired. Who wouldn't want to give up? I'm tired too. This isn't a normal life but it's OUR life and we make it work!
One thing I ask is for as we enter the holiday season be kind to one another. Slow down and appreciate those you have around you. Stop taking everything and everyone for granted. None of us are guaranteed another day. The holidays aren't about making every thing perfect, stressing about that dessert you forgot to make or the bottle of booze you forgot to pick up for uncle Joe. It's not about the material gifts you give and receive it's about having your loved ones around you... They are the true gifts of life.
Mike and I would give anything to not have to live from scan to scan feeling like sitting ducks waiting for things to turn. However this is the cards we were dealt with in life and we will continue to push on even in our darkest of days.
While Mike gets his well needed rest I am off to relax.
Oh and by the way cancer... FUCK YOU we got this babe! ; )
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