Treatment 15

Today is treatment number 15. We also got Mike's scan results. We were extremely anxious going into treatment today. It doesn't take much to let our minds wander. Mike gets a scan to track his progress every 8 weeks. Within that 8 week period Mike gets 4 chemotherapy treatments. Over the last 8 weeks Mike missed a treatment due to bad weather. He also wasn't getting his full treatment cycles 2 treatments in a row due to his platelets being low and the neuropathy in his hands. As you can imagine we didn't have high hopes for today's scan results because he had only one full treatment in the past 8 weeks. When we got into the doctors office his Oncologist came in and said, "Good news your scans look good and my NY Mets are winning!" Mike's response was I don't care about the second one! Then they bickered back and forth about their sports teams. His doctor is from NY and not a New England sports fan. So there is always sports talk at appointments.

I was very happy and still in shock to hear that his scans came back good. Quietly tears of joy rolled down my face! I felt the invisible person that was wrapped around me pushing on my chest let go and disappear for now... Mike as always is still disappointed that he hasn't heard the 4 words he so badly wants to hear... "You're cancer is gone." Those words may not be in our playing cards right now but I reassured him that a good scan is a small victory and we will take it. Mike's platelets are at 99 still. This isn't bad but the doctor would like for them to get higher. He was able to move forward with treatment today... which is good. You would never imagine you would secretly in your head be begging the doctor to give him poison. That poison is keeping my husband alive. The side effects are awful but his life is more important. His Oncologist has also decided to put him on a new medication to help with the neuropathy in his hands and feet. His hands have been getting pretty bad. He also stopped one of the chemo drugs that was causing the neuropathy. For now Mike won't be getting that one. It's a possibility in the future they will put him back on it but for now they need to manage the side effects so they don't damage the nerves in his hands for good.

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In the mean time we are looking forward to our move into our new home. We are so blessed and can't wait to be settled in. Ava has been doing well. She does great in school and helps me take care of her Daddy. We spend a lot of time outside now playing soccer, building chalk towns with side walk chalk and riding bikes. We also all talk about ways to kill daddy's cancer... Like taking it out and sending it to the moon, blowing it up or throwing it in the ocean! In the past few months we have been living life more. Getting out with friends, going for walks, going out to dinner without having to take anxiety meds and much more! Unfortunately we have reached a new normal. We go through different stages of "normal" but we still have to keep waking up every morning and doing what we need to do. Everyday he wakes up and gets out of bed and lives is a win in my book. I fear for the days he stays in bed all day. My life revolves around caring for him and I wouldn't change it for the world but I do wish things were different every damn day. I wish we were enjoying our lives as newlyweds instead of me fearing the day I could be alone... My husband is young, my husband is a fighter, and my husband is strong so FUCK YOU cancer.  

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